I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Randomize
