pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Randomize
