My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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