I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
