I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
