he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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