I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im just a social blackout drinker.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize