just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
