the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize
