We're like a lot better than the average bears
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
We just shotgunned beers for America
It's never too late to be topless.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
