remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Randomize
