dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
