I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
