his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
