I cockslap morals
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
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