i just google imaged poop.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
