Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
