Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
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Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
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At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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