Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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