after a month anything with tits is on the radar
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
