i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
