i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
