Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
