Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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