I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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