If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
