I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
He kissed a someone with a penis
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Sober January is a disaster.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
