I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
