You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Randomize
