the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
