the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize