i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
He did a backflip because drugs
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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