Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
