Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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