I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
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