If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize