at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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