Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
