I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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