I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
