I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
