She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
