I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
