i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
