I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Randomize
