you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
