Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
