Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
