I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
4 words: hood of his car
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Randomize
