I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Randomize
