i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
