We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
