Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
