Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
