She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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