Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
