I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
