So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
