I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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