i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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