well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
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