I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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