I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
