my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
